Remember elementary school recess when somebody decided it was time to play kickball?
Do kids still play kickball? Am I dating myself here?
Anyway, you know the scene. Two kids were chosen as captains, and everybody else stood in a line waiting to hear their name. First pick. Second pick. Third pick. Meanwhile, you were standing there trying to look completely unbothered.
Then the line got shorter. And shorter. Until there were two people left. Then one.
If that one person was you, there was not much excitement when the captain finally said your name.
Same Game, Different Playground
Most workplaces do not line employees up against a wall while two managers choose teams.
At least I hope not.
We are slightly more sophisticated now.
Instead, “picking teams” happens in quieter ways. It can look like:
- The same people being invited into every important conversation.
- Someone sharing an idea, getting no response, then hearing the same idea praised when someone else repeats it five minutes later.
- Employees learning about decisions that affect their work after those decisions have already been made.
- The same people getting stretch assignments, visibility and access to senior leaders.
- Inside jokes, old relationships or unwritten rules deciding who feels like they are part of the group.
A leader may think, “My door is always open.” An employee may be thinking, “Yes, but every time I walk through it, you look at your phone.”
A team may proudly describe itself as close-knit. A new employee may experience that same closeness as, “There is clearly a club here, and my name is not on the VIP list.”
Culture is not only what we say we value. Culture is what people experience repeatedly.
If people regularly experience being overlooked, interrupted, left out or treated like an afterthought, eventually they stop raising their hands. They stop offering ideas. They stop volunteering for things.
Every day.
Bring More Voices In
Being invited to the meeting is not the same as being part of the conversation.
Pay attention to who talks, who gets interrupted and whose ideas get picked up. If the same three people are doing most of the talking, that is not collaboration. That is a podcast with a live audience.
Leaders can change the dynamic without making it awkward:
- Ask, “We haven’t heard from everyone. What are we missing?”
- Invite someone in based on their expertise: “Maria, you work closest to this process. What are you seeing?”
- If someone gets interrupted, bring them back in: “I want to make sure David gets to finish his thought.”
- If an idea resurfaces later, give credit: “That connects to the point Keisha made earlier.”
And no, you do not need to announce, “JANET HAS NOT SPOKEN.” Please don’t.
The goal is not to force people to talk. It is to make sure they have room to.
Look Beyond the Usual Picks
Most leaders have go-to employees. They are reliable. They know the history. They respond quickly. They may even know what you are going to ask before you finish the question.
Convenient? Absolutely.
But when the same people always get the visible assignments, they also get the experience, exposure and relationships that help them move ahead. Everyone else gets very good at being a spectator.
Before handing out the next stretch assignment, presentation or high-profile project, ask:
- Who has not had this opportunity before?
- Who is ready for more responsibility?
- Who could succeed with a little coaching?
- Am I choosing the best person or simply the person I know best?
Then change the pattern. Rotate who presents. Give someone new ownership of part of a project. Pair a less-experienced employee with someone who can support them.
You do not have to throw someone into the deep end and yell, “Good luck!”
Opportunity and support can happen at the same time.
Give People the Inside Scoop
Every workplace has unwritten rules. Nobody writes them down. Nobody teaches them. Yet, somehow, everyone is expected to know them.
Maybe leaders want bad news early. Maybe certain decisions need buy-in before the official meeting. Maybe “send me something when you get a chance” secretly means “I would like this before lunch.”
Longtime employees learn these things over time. Newer employees are often left to figure them out through trial, error and mild embarrassment.
Leaders can make that easier:
- Give everyone an onboarding buddy.
- Define what good work looks like before the assignment begins.
- Clarify who needs to be involved and when.
- Give context when history or relationships matter.
A sentence like, “Here is something nobody tells you when you join this team…” can save someone weeks of confusion.
Knowing how the place works should not be a scavenger hunt.
Leaders Set the Tone
If questions are met with, “We already covered that,” people stop asking. If disagreement turns into a debate the leader has to win, people stop challenging ideas. If every mistake becomes a public autopsy, congratulations, you now have a team that is excellent at hiding mistakes.
Instead, make curiosity and candor part of how the team works.
Try asking:
- What am I missing?
- Who sees this differently?
- What would you challenge about this plan?
Then do the harder part: listen.
Do not ask for another perspective and immediately spend five minutes explaining why it is wrong. People figure out pretty quickly whether you want input or just agreement with audience participation.
Belonging is built through small, repeated choices. Give people a voice. Share opportunity. Remove the mystery. Make it safe to be honest.
Proof It’s Working
Belonging can sound soft until you start paying attention to the signals. Leaders have more influence here than they may realize. Who gets heard, who gets opportunities and who feels comfortable speaking up are not random. They are shaped by the environment leaders create.
You’ll know it’s working when:
- Participation: More voices contribute, and conversations are not dominated by the same two or three people.
- Communication: Employees ask questions early, raise concerns and offer different perspectives before problems grow.
- Recognition: People receive credit for their ideas, contributions and results.
- Connection: Employees feel comfortable reaching out, collaborating and asking for help.
- Retention: Strong employees are staying, growing and continuing to contribute.
Nobody Wants to Be the Last Kid Standing
Strong teams are built when people feel seen, valued and trusted. That does not happen by accident. Leaders create it in the choices they make every day.
It is not about who gets picked first. It’s about making sure no one feels picked last.
